we broke up and he got another girl pregnant we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

Does that suck for some individuals who didnt want it in the first place? Is that your position, or am I misinterpreting it? Any woman who, in a divorce, grants custody of the children to the father is an immature asshole, and any woman who spends her life in her career an allows the father to raise the children is an immature asshole, because, in each of those cases, the woman is just as guilty of abdicating the role of parent as the guy here would be, and in many of them, she also doesnt even provide financial support. But, you couldnt let him go. Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. If he didnt want to make a baby, he should have been wearing condoms or not having sex at all. My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. yes he doesnt seem like much a catch, but to say he exposed her to STDs! is a stretch. Oh, and of course, hes also called a dick, and ass, and other choice names. Also who goes around talking about how he cant stand the mother of his child? She provided the other half of the set, the construction site, the construction materials, she built the child. iseeshiny He's got to focus on his ex and tell himself she wants to be with him and not the other man in the long run. Deadly, sure, but not highly infectious. So just ignore them, thats what I do. I spoke with him a second time after many missed calls and he seemed really upset about his situation and begged me to talk to him. Perhaps youd like to refute them instead of going the easy route and calling him a troll simply because he disagrees with you. he gets another girl pregnant while you are on a break, your fault. "My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. It pays and so do the provider of the sperm. April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. Happens all the time. Welcome to parenthood. No one has a condom, Lady says Its cool, Im on the pill and Dude says awesome, I already took my Viagra anyway, cant really run to the store. They bone. The only innocent victim in this situation is that poor child. Stop being a whiny spectator in your own life. evanscr05 Okay so what if the LW is not pro choice. Painted_lady So true. Its not some big secret that women have that option and that men are legally obligated to provide financially if she exercises that option. But hes 40?! Neither is that birth control is not infallible. If you cant handle the though of having a baby, you take precautions (condoms, birth control, vasectomy, abstinence even) and when babies happen, because they do even with protection, you take responsibility for it. I agree that using a condom (even when she was on the Pill) would not have necessarily meant she wouldnt have gotten pregnant. He has a responsibility to the baby, but thats as far as it goes. Not only was she on the pill, but he wore a condom! He knows how to make a baby, and he knows how to avoid making a baby. MOA, and wash your hands of the whole thing. slept with someone else. is significantly higher than the risk of contracting HIV, which is actually not all that contagious. just as she has the responsibility not to lie. If the woman in question is also 40, I highly doubt her birth control failed. And hes 28. Sorry to be so long-winded but it happens sometimes. Nor is there any guarantee that the woman who tells you that she doesnt want to have a baby wont change her mind when faced with that decision. He was clearly having unprotected sex with at least one other person. ], Chuck Pelto But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be. Its fucking unfair. But you are wrong for trying to force him to stay with someone just because of the child. Birth control isnt full-proof. That is the point when an intelligent person makes their decision. I think its the first time I am hearing someone smear another person for NOT having an abortion. I highly doubt that he wouldve slept with her if he knew how incompatible they are prior to bedtime. Im usually just a lurker here on DW, but the strong debate over this letter compelled me to comment. (Well assume she is pro life for non religious reasons because Im not sure why a religious person would be fine with banging after two minutes thats a whole other can of worms). I dont think I have ever seen so many thumbs up on one post And it deserves them! female If you and a person you want to sleep with are not on the same page on what should happen in case of accidental pregnancy, dont have sex with them. And it's the best thing that ever happened to me. SweetsAndBeats Sure. Wow..two mintueswhen did he realize he couldnt stand her before or after the two minutes? I would MUCH rather this guy walk away now then be stuck with a screaming baby he doesnt care for and end up throwing it off a bridge. female November 19, 2012, 3:02 pm. And now onto you, ummmm you say he cant bare to be without you and never loved anyone as much as he loves you.well his actions sure say otherwise. How about equal right for, you know, everyone? No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. Months after we broke up, he would come and go as he pleased. And you dont sound much better. One common definition: a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response. If the baby mama wants to keep the baby, its her decision. Or pining away for a father figure theyll never, ever have? No one called him a criminal. I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. That my life revolves around this so called love of mine?? Absolutely, positively, 100% wrong. This is a great contrast to Wendys piece about Drew being a great husband/dad. My above reenactment was not a true depiction of the dialogue I believe took place. Two. I am curious what RR will have to say after some interesting points being made after her comments. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. You are the one who is keeping this rollercoaster of a relationship going with him. This is why homosexual couples have to adopt. we are making DW history, here, people!!! Any advice on this would be appreciated as Im so confused and hurt. Really stupid. Thats certainly the type of person you want as your husband. The decision to have sex is NOT a decision to have a child. Want to be disappointed, read the comments first and then read the letter. Id drop this guy in a heartbeat. And if you arent ready for a child, then use a goddamn condom.. Thats fd. female 2. Wow, that was a super bitchy thing to say. Or, hey, maybe they were both tested, maybe they were both clean, and maybe he believed her, and maybe she actually was on the pill. Hey, honey, I thought you had control over your bodies? Case in point: my mother was mentally ill, verbally and physically abusive, and vindictive enough to hurt my siblings and I just to spite my father, and she STILL got joint custody. Then they want to fight for the loser like hes some sort of prize! I had no idea. April 9, 2012, 1:28 pm. Why should she abort the baby I mean come on. I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. And I tend to agree that with certain situations, men end up with the raw end of the deal. Model Mustang. Totally personal question, but have you ever been in the position where you had to choose whether or not to have an abortion? However, not once did I say anything like what youre implying. Not your wallet, not your choice. April 9, 2012, 9:37 am. April 9, 2012, 10:03 pm, God, are you REALLY this dense? I would love, just ONCE on this site, for one of the male commenters to address shitty man behavior. That support is not hers. But they should try and work together to create a decent life for the child it does not have to be in a relationship with one another though. And while not using a condom might not be the end all be all of crazy mistakes, he should have known better. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. Now if the issue remains private without government involvement, then no problem as long as she keeps to their agreement. FYI first time posting but long time reader. Maybe she IS trying to entrap him. So then, to be clear, your point isnt that gay men are more likely to wear condoms. But the LW could be using selective words to paint him in a certain light, such as replacing upset with furious. So me making it a laid-back scenario is no more absurd than making it a scenario where he a shitty human. I just personally get outraged that this is the case: that he would have to pay support regardless, but that she can opt out of it. There is no child at conception very good. Theres many reasons besides wanting a mans money to not get an abortion. Regardless of whether or not he wants to stay with this women he impregnanted, do NOT stay with him yourself! It is quite possible to become pregnant on the pill. I told her if its not about the kids, dont text him. How on earth do you propose to make any of this even for everybody, including the child? So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum?. The waiter has no idea that she has a severe allergy to peanuts, so doesnt tell the kitchen to change gloves when preparing her meal. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. Is this a valid summary? But then Id be haunted with the thought that I could have frozen BETTER sperm than the sperm I froze before tying the tubes and will always wonder if my children could have been better. If you are so against men having to pay for a child they dont want that was nonetheless created by their penis couldnt you make this issue a hell of a lot easier by just telling your male friends to wrap it up? Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? Not long-winded just a breath of fresh air and reason after the insanity in that letter. And not surprisingly, the name callers are all female. And hes a bigger idiot if he doesnt think hes responsible for whats happening to him now. Image Source. Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. My point is if you dont want kids there are always ways to prevent that he chose not to and now he can deal with the consequences. Theres nothing wrong with casual sex. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging. No. I might disagree to a minor degree with some of your points although, re-reading your reply, I dont really think so but thats a great summary, and also completely out of place in this thread because its so rational. Most women hate giving blowjobs, it seems. The decision to have sex is not a decision to have a child, but it always carries that risk. That a woman has a right to choose if she carries a child to term or not should nor mean that she has a right to choose how a man spends his money for the next 18 years. No it isnt. WTF are you reading? Neither are the kids, but thats beside the point where feminism is concerned, right? I assume from the debate that this has become a fact that was inferred due to the women being on birth control. There is no 100 percent way to prevent pregnancy. we broke up and he got another girl pregnant. No interest in fatherhood? Then, again you seem a tad immature so maybe you deserve each other. 2. I think the fact that he is angry at this woman for not having an abortion speaks loudly and clearly as to his character. Dudes inner-monologue consists of the word Fuck clouded by that ringing noise you get after leaving a concert. A real man steps up to be there for the baby, more than just money for the baby, and to be there for the mother even if he cant stand her. You sound like one of those pro-lifers who are always compelling women to do things against their will. That happens. If your dead-beat ex wants know part that is HIS decision. It would be one thing if he just lashed out in momentary anger/shock, but soon came around to a more sane discussion of options, etc. I think hes an asshole for sleeping with a woman he cant stand without using a condom. He said he felt forced to be with someone he doesnt love and, blah blah blah. Not to say that a single mother cannot give a child the support she needs alone, but as the father if you wash your hands of being in the childs life, you do not KNOW or even have a reasonable expectation (especially if shes a one night stand youve only known for 2 minutes) that the mother will be a sufficient parent. ! Twitter Debates 16-Year Age Gap Between Jaylen Brown & Mouthwatering Meemaw Bernice Burgos, Barbie Gyal Nicki Minaj Returns From Hiatus And Sets Di Road Ablaze At Trinidad Carnival 2023, Rain Pon Meeee: Ashanti Reminds Everyone How Feathered And FINE She Was At Trinidad Carnival 2019, Chaka Khan Shows No Mercy Blasting Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey & Other Names On Rolling Stone's 'Greatest Singers' List, Funniest (And Pettiest) Tweets From NBA All-Star Weekend 2023. And with that said, he should confirm the woman is indeed pregnant and get a paternity test when the child is born. Is that fair to women? Contrary to what might be implied buy my other comments in this thread, Im not typically a proponent of abortions. The only thing I can say that no one else has so far is, why would she want to trap this man?! I have no idea why you two took a break if you cant live without each other, but honestly, neither one of you is mature enough to be in a committed relationship. (And a hint- if your boyfriend is as much of a mess as this letter makes him seem, its not- no matter how much of a mess you are). Theres a fun scenario. Both a man and a woman are needed to create a baby. Reading your letter, you are far too immature to handle this. If you dont like someone (as a fellow human being), dont have sex with them. Stay with someone he dislikes because she became pregnant? Because he had sex? I think the key is that the choice to abort doesnt result in an innocent child that still has needs to be met. I dont think you are right to try to make him stay with her. Changing the facts and then arguing them is just as useless as creating facts and arguing those whether you admit to it or not. Dont let him use you because his life is in chaos now. savannah And as so many others have said dontt want a kid? OK, this is going to be longer than it should, but I have reactions to several things. Termination of Parental rights does NOT absolve you from paying Child Support in the United States of America. We are so in love with eachother and are with eachother all the time. Men abandon and fail to pay for children constantly. Picture Perfect Poster Girl: Taylour Paige Stars As "Boogie's" Leading Lady, UPDATE: Jesseca Dupart Denies That LisaRaye Found Out About Da Brat's Pregnancy Via Social Media, Your Weekly Helping Of Tidday Meats & Treats On The Gram, Cougar Chronicles! 9 Feelings Everyone Experiences When They Find Out Their Ex Is - Romper The point is that no one cares about your guesswork, sunshine. It seems like the LW is painting the woman in this scenario as the sole person responsible for the pregnancy. lets_be_honest Out of my 5 closest friends only one isnt a fan. People think LW is out of line, because she has no right to be pissed at this women for wanting to keep a child, and no right to make up reasons why she is having this baby in the first place. I dont feel like his decision to not be involved in his biological childs life makes him an immature asshole. Blood is not everything. I wont go into the reasons they came to this, (very long, and quite personal, story), but its entirely possible that if a women gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby though the father would prefer she abort, he DOES have the option to waive his parental rights and duties to the child and thus not be legally responsible for child support. He actually did believe he was the dad, which means he actually did cheat with this other woman. I get from the tone of your letter that you are bitter. Thats why I kind of went to the extreme with the whole Threw some money thing. I mean sure I can relate to the horrible emotions one gets about thinking that their guys (even if hes an ex at this point!) No. Child support is nice, but a father it does not make. April 10, 2012, 5:59 pm. I find it enjoyable to do because it makes him happy, and it turns me on to get him so turned on. I mean every word! reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): A For the woman to turn around after the fact and say, Whups, knocked up! if she has a miscarriage because he's back with you, your fault. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids. Secondly, as PPs have pointed out, the whole concept of We cant live without one another is f-ed up. Lucky us. The woman then apparently became pregnant with apparently the guys child. I wish there was some way he could have prevented himself from ejaculating into a woman if only there was some way he could have arranged that some way for him to have control over his reproductive material or the choice of woman or the choice to ejaculate at all if only the poor man no choice in the matter AT ALL The kid has no blame here. evanscr05 Ive been in the position where I chose to keep my baby when the father wanted to abort. hamster van beethoven This is about a pregnancy thats two weeks in. Why do you think that is? Many women become habituated to the hormone regimen and begin ovulating again, even while on the pill. And maybe she is a harlot of sorts. February 6, 2017, 4:03 pm, Simalar to me.. we fell inlove from schol at 15 we kiss at 16 sex at 21 we separated for 5mths he saw another girl and she lie told him she was pregnant..she moved in his parents house..i said goodbye he came begging me ..he dont love her.tears tears .. the next month her period came her lie came in the openshe never left ..i have since moved on ..25yrs to dated he still beging me to come backi played a game with him recently ..i said i would leave my husband would u leave your wifeto be with mehe said yes yesdo u have money to buy a house for me like what u did for her.the silence was deafing.i hang up the phone.. playersmove on leave him alone, lets_be_honest lets_be_honest It is my argument that only an ass would be furious at anyone other than himself when he becomes obligated to provide for a child that he created. Stop this back and forth with him. I recommend you seek individual therapy and process your feelings. April 10, 2012, 7:22 pm. The guy and the woman had sex. Oh, may be you should marry him and fantasize what kind of fun he is having whenever hes late coming home, or fearful he would leave you when you, like that woman, passed 40; or be told to get rid of your baby who is inconvenient to him. Just because shes decided to not have an abortion because your boyfriend cant stand her and doesnt want anything to do with her or the innocent child, who, like it or not, he helped create, doesnt mean shes trying to trap him or that shes a scroat. Sad that the life you thought was going to happen when you got back with the BF is going to get messier? Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women. He sounds like a conceited, arrogant, narcissistic a-hole. rainbow April 9, 2012, 9:30 pm. Susie is lost. Also, I dont understand why you spend your whole letter insulting her instead of him. Iwannatalktosampson You dont get to badmouth this woman just because she wont get an abortion that YOU and your boyfriend want her to get. Do you have a law to fix that? I showed up late to the hot debate in the comments (damn you work lol), but to put this in perspective for me, I was born to relatively young parents and now at 25, my dad is a few years older then this gem of a man in this letter. It belongs to the child and the law is concerned with ensuring the best interests of the child above all else. Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. Dont like the consequences? I feel like a part of me has died . April 12, 2012, 2:41 am. Yes, he had unprotected sex. Has your childs father left you during pregnancy then came back? Thats all I can really offer. One of the draw backs of only knowing someone for a short period of time. 5) What bothers me more than anything is the LWs attitude. I just think that if he is saying he doesnt want a child then hes probably not fit to be a parent and the parent who does want a child is more fit. It's good that he's being a responsible father already by supporting them financially. If you choose to live in an area known to be frequented by storks then you have no one but yourself to blame if you become a parent. 1970 Mustang Mach I "Synergy Green Pearl"351 Cleveland - Fuel Injection "The Rattle Shaker" Complete nut and bolt rotisserie restoration LESS than 500 miles by C.A.R.S. If theres anyone whos unfairly been put in this mess, its not you its the baby. Oh thank you thank you thank you! As well, the LW has no right to call this other woman names, purely because it was the LWs (ex? Forcing him to stay with her isnt going to make anyone happy at all. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy How generous of you. Anytime you have sex, theres a chance you could get pregnant, no matter how careful you are. female Paternity laws in this country absolutely suck. I think that gives you a little time to get on her good side and work on those shortcomings. AndreaMarie skyblossom Abstinence is 100% effective, just saying. April 10, 2012, 6:11 pm. How about, The woman who decided to keep the child knowing that the man was not interested in being a father and providing support?. And there are many things that can happen that make it even less effective, like forgetting a pill, taking antibiotics, etc. April 10, 2012, 5:07 pm. If this is the case with this woman, then she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. His response to my comment was all dont tell me what to do with my body. only an ass would be furious at anyone other than himself when he becomes obligated to provide for a child that he created.. I think what you are forgetting in all of this is that a child is not a peanut. I never grew up thinking there was something wrong with me because my biological father wasnt ready or willing to be a father to me. It just pays. This week she contacted him to say she was pregnant. The last 15 girlfriend jokes It's bro's before hoes, not bro's over your girlfriend. I feel stupid once again and a part of me feels that he may come back to me again and I really dont want to be involved, but Im so weak and dont know how to let go. April 10, 2012, 12:44 pm. All I can say is therapy. female During the time we both were studying for the bar, we were on a break. I think your maturity should absolutely, completely be judged against how you react when life throws you unexpected thingslike an unplanned pregnancy. No one is forcing any woman to have the child and much less to keep it. So give yourself the time you need to work through this experience. He does have the right to change his mind about how involved hed like to be. Only the woman did. Can you blame me for feeling this way? door to door service. You want to work on your social skills. It will never be equal. We judge people all the time where our judgment has absolutely no effect on the outcome, we arent participants in the issue and no one gives a crap what we think. Nope, none of it matters. So, yes, I can see why hed be furious. You are in a relationship where you are the one responsible for everything. I attempt to avoid name calling, but if you have a problem with one person ASKING another person to do or not do ANYTHING, you are a poor excuse for an adult! Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. My ex-boyfriend had apparently broken up with a girl who was a.. You had no say in the matter.. wife pays debt sex video. The entire letter reeked of entitlement. He can bang the neighbor, the lunch lady, and his friendly neighborhood bartenderwhoever. It doesnt even come close. My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. April 9, 2012, 5:57 pm. Steve Kellmeyer Equal protection under the law, etc, etc. You know, I was thinking about that, too. 1. i thought that was a bit harsh as well although her anger is unjustified, shes actually just reacting the same way 99% of people would do in that same situation. Is he supposed to lie and say shes a wonderful person, if she isnt? -Tried to pressure her into getting an abortion Coke doesnt have to visit you in the hospital and make sure youre happy. The primary relationship in someones life is allowed to (and should) remain the primary relationship, even after the later appearance of children. April 9, 2012, 12:24 pm. iseeshiny I appreciate the points youre trying to make. Since there is no way to guarantee pregnancy wont occur aside from proof of sterility, this righteous DW anger would likely be aimed at any man who didnt end up wanting the child (no matter what precautions had been taken), likely by the same people whod turn red in the face about any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion. The entire point of my post(s) is that the paternity laws in this country (which is a central consideration of the letter and the story) are out of whack and unbalanced to the point of being unfairly punitive to men. It is possible to get pregnant on the pill if you dont take it at the same time everyday, so maybe use backup protection if youre fucking someone you dont know? He is doing alot better. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. Everyone experiences the ups and downs of a relationship differently, and the same goes for breakups. She says she thinks shed like to keep it. You mean, he should be able to decide whether or not hes emotionally distant and vacant from the life he had equal part in creating? Oh no! New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. Only a valid argument of youre completely unaware of how babies are made and that birth control does not prevent pregnancy but only reduces the likelihood. Because she does not have the right to waive support for the child. Well, I guess its good that you now know that you cant bear life without each other, but that seems a bit juvenile to me. P.S. Hes just not ready to start a family. Seriously, no wonder so many of are all too stupid to understand where babies come from. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. Well put. Does that make him an asshole? I dont think hes a bad guy for having sex with this other woman, and it was his decision to not use a condom. But it is a dickish move to get someone pregnant and then decide youre not going to be involved in that childs life.